Dallas

Meant to post this earlier this week…

 

Wow. It's been a LONG couple of weeks. Started off by not sleeping much on Monday night. Which might have to do with my sleeping schedule messed up from having Brittany spend the night on Saturday. I think it was the fact that I was so relaxed (I feel better when I have someone sleeping with me… truly sleeping, not sexually), I wanted to keep sleeping the whole morning.

On a side note, I might have made a mistake… While cuddling in the morning, she'd semi kissed me because I'd been giving her pecks on the back of her neck and shoulder all night (cuz I tend to do that) and I gave her a peck quite close to her mouth, I think. Well, I started kissing her.

I think she was in that half-dozing mode and she just went with it. Later, when she was fully awake, things were… different. LOL. I was half-awake too. Normally, I wouldn't do anything.

Anyway, Monday, I worked a long day (like I have been for the last couple weeks). That night, I couldn't really sleep much, though. Tuesday, I didn't work much, since we had some BS company meeting that was a picnic that I didn't want to go to. I went to bed early so I could wake up at 2am on Wednesday morning to get to the Airport Parking place by 3am (needed time to shower and put my stuff in the car).

So that started off my saga. Next was waiting for the plane to allow us to board. There were some other passengers that had such an air of entitlement… One person was upset that the Starbucks stand wouldn't open up 30 mins early for her. Another one was mad because the seats had arm-rests, so she couldn't lay down and sleep (while I understand the sentiment, she took it as if it was a personal affront). And, the best, was when a woman asked the maintenance people to dim the lights to the terminal. REALLY?!

Anyway, the flight itself was alright. They had a towncar pick me up and I felt kind of ostentatious. When I checked in, I was a bit surprised. They put me in one of the presidential suites. It had a freak'n grand piano in it. Felt like a freak'n king.

The week wasn't without drama. Our idiot "leader" has a follower that, unfortunately, is higher on the Org chart than I am. And this person created drama (involving me) that was basically bullshit. And to be honest, that ruined my whole stay there.

But, in any case, it was great to see some people that I hardly get to see, since they're in the field. The really cool thing is seeing all the people that were involved or "in the know" standing behind me. They'd pull me aside all week and tell me that they supported me and to stand strong. It was a beautiful thing.

When I got home, I asked Brittany to come over. I really wanted that peace of having someone around to just hang out. I fell asleep a couple times, and when she finally left, I passed out. I didn't wake up until noon the next day. I was so out of it.

This week have sucked, so far. I'm so annoyed I'm not even going to write about it. But I guess the only comfort I have is that if I bide my time, the issues that are pissing myself will be fixed. I just hope I can last until then.

I’m still alive…in a sense.

Wow. I've been completely swamped at work.

While my position isn't glorious or complicated, I do get occasional surges of deadline-driven work. Mostly due to quarterly meetings, big-wig meetings and what-not. Let's be clear. Leading up to the last 3 weeks, I've had a super-easy job. My reports were somewhat easy to do (easy to do, yet painfully manual and tedious due to the nature of the database we use at work… nothing is consistent or common, it seems), I work with super-chill people and I didn't have anyone ever breath down my neck (still don't).

But, leading up to the last month or so, I've been swamped with requests for data to support the Top-to-Top meeting (meeting between the heads of my company and the client), Quarterly DSM meeting, meeting between the Client's VP of Sales and our leadership (which I knew wouldn't require anything from me, but still I stressed a little about studying reports and data. Just in case!) and now the National Sales Meeting.

Again, let's be clear, much of it is self-induced stress. Never have my bosses or co-workers pressured me or stressed me out. At least, not directly. Although, I DO have a certain person in the program that has a problem with a lot of the stuff I do. Rationally, I don't care. Yet, I can't deny that I get irritated somewhere deep down.

It's a little bit of frustration from seeing how far behind the curve I am compared to some people I respect very much. While I'm not required to think like they do, I still have issues with thinking of the details. When I was at T-Mobile, I could run programs from beginning to finish. There are so many little variables in this program that I don't even think about. Jeremy is constantly going, "Did you remember about…" or "What about"… He does it in a very nice way, though.

That guy is freak'n amazing. His attention to detail is staggering. And while a lot of times I won't think of something until I've thought about it for a little bit, he'll pick that shit out from the very beginning. And he's never given me shit about it. He either points it out in a nice way or asks me leading questions until I realize it myself. And then there's Tim… uber-laid back and dedicated. I deal less with him since I do more pure data stuff, while he's the Merch Manager. But I know that if I have a question about something, he's got the answer when it comes to merchandising or fulfillment.

I see these guys and realize that I suck at operations. I've always been better at organizing and communicating. At T-Mobile, I'd get the reports and get a group of my people together to plan how we'd respond. Then, I'd work to organize all of them or liaison with other parties that needed to be involved. I thought I was hot shit because I knew the answers or knew how to get the answers. I was the common link between everyone.

But that's not the same here… I'm constantly playing catch-up.

I think I've gotten a bit of influence. But I know there are limits. There are certain personality types that I have a hard time working with. I don't like pushing them. Perhaps I'm a bit conservative with them. But I honestly believe that although I've gained a bit of respect from some quarters, I don't have everyone's respect. And I sure as hell don't have the position weight to back me up. So I have to choose my words and actions carefully.

It'd be much easier if people could speak clearly and not have to worry about giving offense, people "feelings" and the bullshit politics. I swear, the most inconsequential action can lead to someone throwing a mental bitch-fit. Sending an email out to a given group of people can spark a "situation" because it wasn't sent by someone of a certain "rank".

GROW THE FUCK UP.

On the flip-side, I completely understand people over-stepping their position. Some of us don't know details or even have an idea of what's going on in other aspects of the program. And I'm pretty confident I don't try to speak about something I'm not involved with without stating that the person I'm talking to should get more details or clarification from those that are the experts in that aspect. I do have a problem when people speak about things they don't know about and then get things messed up or bringing a subject up and not knowing anything about it. That just leads to what we like to call a Monkey Knife Fight (MKF).

Which leads me to another thing… People respond better when you don't try and force yourself into something. So many people in this program try to insert themselves into something. If something doesn't have anything to do with them, they'll still try and get involved. The funniest thing, is I hardly ask, "Can I be a part of that?" And yet, I get into quite a few things I don't need or want to be involved with. I don't necessarily have a problem, mind you. I just wish people didn't act like fucking piranhas so much. Shit will come to you. Relax.

Anyway, back to the subject… A company that supports the Client in a different way also had a Program Manager they just hired. The guy may be good. I just wish he wasn't so passive-aggressive with me. I'm probably splitting hairs, but there's a lot of reasons why I do certain things the way I do. My reports evolved through the needs of the end users. Granted, 60 percent of the data on one report comes from this guy's company. However, he's been trying to change little things. These little things make a big impact to the reporting or what you can do with it.

Actually, I'm glad he pushes me. At least he's thinking about it. But he keeps pushing back on the same things over and over. Perhaps he just needs time to learn it and then understand it. I don't think I've been rude yet. I just need to continue explaining and perhaps try a different way to explaining. Perhaps I just need to have him sit down with me more so he can see it and I can explain it more and more.

I just hope he isn't so aggressive with others. Because I can see some people who may not take to it very well, regardless of their level of politeness. He's kinda straddled the line a few times, already, in my mind.

Anyway, so I have to work with him to build out programs and reporting that will help the Client, and I've been a little worried because I haven't dedicated enough time to doing that. I really need to get on the ball.

There's a lot going on (even stuff I haven't written about). But no matter what, I can't complain because I don't have it nearly as bad as Jeremy, Tim or the Client.

The annoying thing? Every once in a while, I still think about how if I stayed at T-Mobile, how the new upper management would've allowed me to take the National Operations Manager (NOM) position remotely. I would've made significantly more money (and perks!) and I would've been confident in what I was doing.

Funny that in approx a year, I was the fucking king in the Indirect Channel operations at T-Mobile. And in just under a year, here, I'm still trying to get my feet under me.

FUCK.