Anyway, I got up early (as I tend to do) and figured I'd try to use my barely-used 6 month old dSLR and take advantage of the somewhat rare (for SoCal, at least) combination of clouds and sunlight to take some cloud pictures. Went up to Del Cerro park in PV and took some pics. They actually turned out a little better than what I thought (although, still not very good).
I then proceeded down to the Redondo Rivera for some people-watching and internt play at Coffee Bean. But, I quickly got tired of that. I just wasn't feeling the web and I got a little bummed seeing all the happy couples coming in for some morning coffee. I did trade some Twitter direct messages with one of the people I follow (she's quite funny and interesting) about me needing to really learn how to use my camera. It just reminded me how I really do need to learn how to use aperture and shutter settings to my advantage. That, and Photoshop.
So after I left there, I decided to just drive. I always do that. I guess the road is my subconscious manifestation of a desire to make my own path and have full control over it. I went from Redondo Beach down to Dana Point. Then turned around and stopped by Jack's Surf Shop in Huntington Beach to check out their Thanksgiving sale.
Then, when I got back up to Torrance, spontaneously decided to watch a movie. I ended up watching Quantum of Solace. It was pretty good. Except, I'm SOOOO tired of the trend of shooting with handheld cams for action scenes. Yeah, it was edgy for Bourne Identity… But I got tired of it even in that movie. I want to SEE what's going on. And fucking understand exactly what's happening. Yeah, you can still see it all. But not without having a small feeling of, "Wait, is that what I think is happening?"
After that, I decided to drive up north. So I drove up all the way up to Oxnard using PCH. And, just like when I went South, I listened to some good music and sang my heart out. And, I finally allowed myself to think about the loneliness. It wasn't bliss, I'll tell you that…
Anyway, so, I finally got back home, 11 hours after I left. And there's nothing on TV. Got in a bit of a "mood" because I'm tired of the drama (not major, but it was small enough to make me think the other shit) that went down with Brittany… Every time after the last time she's been over here, I invite her and she declines. It's her right and it's not like I'm mad or anything. But I also understand that I'm not interesting or attractive enough to warrant her coming over nowadays.
One time, she said she was too tired, but later mentioned how she went to her boy-toy's that night (I don't blame her at all). And since then, she's tired, etc… Again, it's none of my concern.
So I mentioned that I'd offer for her to come over, but I knew it'd be pointless, it apparently started something in her. She responded with an "Um, okay." So I asked her what that was about, and she just responded with, "That was my reply to what you said"
And that just reminded me of the previous "drama" we've had. It's like everything I get is attitude or that pretend "Nothing". I'm sick of that. Just fucking communicate. Everything is a "misunderstanding". And either it's my fault, or she's the martyr. She never says what she "meant" or she just starts ranting.
So, because of that, I know I won't have the energy tomorrow to have to watch what I say or hear how everything is against her, I did the dick-move and passed on her zoo trip.
She's not even fucking me, and I get all the attitude.
So, right now, I'm going to put on some music and try and drift off to sleep. I doubt I'll sleep. But maybe, just maybe, I'll forget how pathetic I am…
No comments:
Post a Comment