Grow up!

This is inspired by another person I follow on Twitter (seems like that's all that I talk about lately, huh?). Check her out: http://aftonmichelle.blogspot.com

Reading her blog made me realize one of the things I somewhat dislike about myself… First, I'm 28 years old and I'm in a self-dramatic funk. There's a ton of reasons why, but I won't even start on that.

The biggest thing, though, is that I'm too "safe". You see, she's talking about moving, even though she doesn't have concrete plans.

I want to be like that.

I can be spontaneous. But only in the small things. I need plans to make a big move. Hell, that's probably why I haven't moved in so long. Well, I mean, haven't moved out of the LA and OC area. Growing up in the military, we moved all over Europe. But, the last 16 years, I haven't moved out of a 100 mile radius. Even though I want to.

I've been wanting to move to a less superficial area. I want to move to a place that isn't about a "scene". Or, at least, a place not trying too hard to have a particular scene. A place where me being a nice guy isn't seen as being weak or unattractive (you have to be either an asshole or a douchebag here, it seems).

But I haven't moved because it's easy here. I have a job that I probably won't get paid as much somewhere else (although, cost of living is a mental hurdle, I know…). And if I don't get the pay I want, will I be able to afford the move?

And there's no guarantee that I'll be better there. I'm social awkward when it comes to trying to meet new people. I'm fine if we've met. But trying to meet new people? I don't even know how to start. Maybe it's the "safe" thing again. Maybe I'm too scared to go out on a limb to try and meet people.

 

I dunno…

Maybe this is why I'm putting so much into biking lately. Be it rolling down the Strand on the cross-bike or jibbing down the trail on the mountain bike, it's a solitary thing I can throw myself into. Maybe that's why I originally bought the dslr. I want to take pictures of interesting and beautiful things. I really need to learn that…

And writing… I used to write so much. I found it cathartic. I'd blog about myself and what I was feeling. I'd write poems and lyrics.

Maybe I've put so much into my work that I've lost the part of me that enjoys life. I may not be to meet a girl that will want me for the boring guy that I am. But maybe I can find the fun and enjoyment of life by doing things the way I want to and the way I feel like it.

Can I live a little more than I've been? Can I loosen up the reins and let life get a little bit more spontaneous?

I dunno. I need a plan. Haha.